"If I were God..."

I've been asked repeatedly by Christians, "Why do you disbelieve the Bible? What about it makes it hard to believe?" (As though it weren't obvious.) My basic answer is this... The Bible does not reflect the sort of intelligent writings one would expect from an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-seeing creator of the universe. Its main body was written about 3,000 to 4,000 years ago, and the ideals within it represent the opinions of men who lived 3,000 to 4,000 years ago. What about this do Christians not understand?... Imagine a book written by an advanced race of aliens...
What kind of ideas and technology would you expect to see in that sort of book? Would you be skeptical of its origins if it told you the Earth was flat, or that diseases were caused by demon possession? Sure you would, because you know better. An advanced alien race should know more than us, not less than us. This is the same reason I'm skeptical of the Bible's origins. God is supposed to be all-knowing and yet he seems to know little to nothing about the universe he allegedly created! Sure, you can pass it off as symbolism, but a lot of the passages in question were not written in a symbolic manner. Plus, even if they were symbolic, they contradict the rule of symbolic writings. So either God is ignorant or he's a piss poor writer.

"What sort of book would represent the ideals of a God like being?"... Well, here's what I would do with my Bible is I were God...

My Bible would not be written in some vague dialect that I knew would become utterly useless in the future, like the Christian Bible. It would be written in gibberish, complete chicken scratch. However, though the writing could not be legible at first glace, upon closer inspection the gibberish begins to make an eerie kind of sense. No matter who reads my Bible, no matter what language they speak, the gibberish tends to make sense to them. And there is no difference in interpretation, because no matter who attempts to read the gibberish, they all read the same thing and have the same conclusions.

The very first words would not be "In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth" because that doesn't matter. That's not how the Earth was made and I don't want to say anything that could be disproven with trivial misinterpretations. My first sentence would be... "Do NOT under any circumstances kill or harm another person in my name! I am the Lord your God, if I wanted someone dead they'd already be dead. Do not ever assume I require your services in this matter."

I would not speak in symbolic terms or vague cultural references. I would speak literally at all times. I would explain things that would help mankind in it's survival on planet Earth. I'd explain the weather patterns, the germ theory of disease and the correct alignment of the planets. I'd explain things that mankind wouldn't be able to understand for centuries, so that as mankind grew they would find new testable claims of my divinity. I'd make sure that my Bible taught people that their greatest gift is knowledge and intelligence. Gifts that I did not give them, but gifts they must give themselves. Never neglect your mind.

I'd make my list of the Ten Commandments and make them something worth following. I'd make sure to add pedophilia and rape into the list so that there's no misunderstanding. I'd make it known that those who harm children will receive the worst of all punishments in Hell. Then I'd explain that there will be no infinite punishment for finite crimes.

I'd explain that no one is more important to me at first. There is no "chosen people" and no "true believers." There are only those who understand and those who do not. Those who are good and those who will receive punishment. Those who work and those who beg. No one is greater than the next, not even I. I will explain that I do not want nor require your worship. I only want you to do what's best for you and your people. Expand and learn all about the universe that I created to be self sufficient.

Anyone who creates a church to honor me will be met with harsh penalties. Their church will crumble. I will explain that there is no real afterlife. You do not get to live in heaven forever. As soon as someone dies their soul will leave their body and they will join me so that I can take them on a personal tour of the universe, so they can see all the things they never had the chance to experience. When the tour is over, they must return to the world to recycle their energy. You do not get to have eternal experience. There simply comes a time when you stop experiencing and you cease to exist.